If I let numbers dictate my life and behavior, I would have given up on a lot a long time ago. No one and nothing can make you kill yourself, so don't worry about it. It sounds like you need to find some new friends. Just know that to fully open up to someone properly requires a strong relationship that only comes a few times in a life. Never give up, you're not alone. :)

Thank you for taking the time to write this, I really hope so. Idk it just scares me sometimes you know? Sometimes I think about it. And most of my friends are good, it’s just one of them that makes me mad :/